When I’m unsure of things, I put my worries aside and try not to have any high expectation because 1) I do not want to be disappointed of the outcome and 2) I have no effing clue about what to expect. So in returns, I just let things be. One thing for sure about me is that I hate being disappointed. In all honesty, that’s one of my biggest fear in life. So when I decided to join the Peace Corps, I went in without expectations whatsoever except for improving my professional development.
I remembered when I moved to my training community, I was very skeptical because I didn’t know how the community, neighbors, and others will react upon seeing a black person for the first time in their life. I knew I was going to face lots of stereotypes but I was ready for the challenges. And so I thought…
It was a Tuesday night when my host sister from my pre-service training family and I walked into Pub Blue, a local pub in Kavadartsi, when I realized what I really got myself into. As we walked in, everything stopped! The music, the people, everything went into slow motion. I became so overwhelmed due to the staring.
My host sister turned and said “look everyone is staring! I think they’re all curious about you now”.
“Yeah” I replied.
“ You’re bringing a lot of awareness even though you’re not saying anything, just your presence is telling them that they are different people in this world”.
“How” I said, still trying to keep my composure
She said “think about it, this is a small village, they’ve never met anyone other than themselves and here you are. They will stare, they will be curious, but it’s all how you respond to it.”
It was at that moment the little light-bulb flicked on. She was right, I WAS HERE TO STAY!
I was here for a purpose. Just because people are staring, side talking, curious, or pointing, I can’t let that define me and deter me from achieving my goals. Though I was faced with constant staring every day, I managed to turn all the confused stare into conversations.
The night after my oath, I cried because I didn’t want to leave my training community. I have grown to love the host family, our neighbors, and a few villagers. I was afraid of the unknown. Afraid of starting over and enduring the negative stereotypes and judgement all over again. When I arrived to Bitola, the staring worsen. I had people asking my coworkers about my existence, why I’m in Bitola, how long I’m there for, where I’m from. I have kids calling me Africa and people constantly staring at me. It was unbearable.
I woke up one morning and decided to turn everything into positive moments and lessons. So when someone called me Africa, I corrected them right away by addressing them first in their language when possible. I became more and more present in my community, I went to almost all social events with my coworkers in Bitola. I started hanging out with my coworkers and family daily and not be afraid to be different. When walking around the city, I walked with my head high and if someone was staring, I stared back.
“Yes I get it, I’m a Black Haitian American woman living in a homogeneous town with no other foreigners who look like me. I get that your education about Black American only comes from watching stereotypical American movies”.
So I set out to change all that, to change their view about me, how they perceived me; thanks to Lehman L.I.F.E. training. I only controlled whatever was in my possession, everything else, I just threw it up in the air and say FUCK IT!
My coworkers and host family played a key role in my integration story in Bitola. They’re open-minded people who were willing to learn and experience new things with me. One day, I started a conversation with my colleagues about diversity, the type of challenges I met everyday in Bitola. I stated how overwhelming it was walking up and down the streets when hundreds if not thousands of people constantly staring at you and talking about you. We talked about awareness, discrimination, stereotypes, and judgment.
Later that day, we left the office for our typical coffee break, but one of my coworkers, Milcho, who also became my best friend, purposely walked behind me. It was at that moment he realized what I’ve been saying about the staring and how, at times, it was quite uncomfortable. He realized that not only people were staring at me, people were also staring at them. They were under the spotlight as well. It was at that moment, all four of us became very close friends because they understood and saw it for themselves. They became my protectors, not that I was ever in danger; my family, my best friends, and my ally.
My advice to you is GO, GO AND EXPLORE!
Take each moment as a lesson, as a moment to educate others. Say yes to adventure, say yes to nagosti (visiting a friend or loved ones), say yes to coffee. Also, say NO, no when you don’t feel like it, no when you need your alone time to recuperate. Say NO when your instinct tells you otherwise. Set boundaries, communicate, learn as much as you can about your coworkers, host family, the locals, and the community. The thing is they will bombard you with questions so you should also do the same. For instant, if they ask about your favorite food, you answer and then ask then the same question.
Stranger: What do you do….?
Me: answer … then ask them the same question
This is your journey so create your own story. If you walk around with your head down then you’ll miss all the beautiful things in that moment. When you finally lift your head, you will be overwhelmed and intimidated by their actions. Whether people stare out of curiosity, whether someone gathers the courage to discuss you, you have to walk around and carry yourself with confidence. The thing is as time passes, you will know your association , who genuinely wants to be your friend, and who wants to harm you or think ill-will of you. I walked around with confidence, I walked around wanting to live in the moment whether people like it or not. I was there to stay and I showed that by establishing boundaries and showing them who I was beyond the color of my skin.
If you decide to join the U.S. Peace Corps, I would recommend that you join with an open mind and be ready for a life changing experience. If you are a person of color and you want to serve in the Peace Corps, my advice to you is to not be afraid to be yourself. Whatever or wherever you end up, your presence and character will make a difference in the community. You will face many challenges, stereotypes, negativity, and sometimes threats, but what defines as a person is how to respond to these obstacles. Also, understand that this experience will make you a stronger person and better advocate for the black and POC community.
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~comfortable being uncomfortable~
